About a week ago I was laying in bed. It was around midnight. I was tired. Completely relaxed, eyes closed, getting ready to go to sleep. Suddenly it occurred to me that it really felt like I was moving my wrist back and forth. I didn't completely trust the "feeling", so I actually LOOKED, and saw that, while it was subtle, it was definitely moving.
Not expecting anything to happen, because it had always resulted in a FAIL before, I attempted to move my fingers. you can't imagine my surprise when they MOVED! Again, it wasn't a lot. It was just some slow, ugly, clumsy wiggling, but since my left hand has spent the last almost 8 years clenched in a fist, even a little bit of wiggling was huge to see and feel! I have to admit that I didn't get much done the entire next day because I spent so much time just watching my fingers actually move!! haha. It's been a week now and I still am amazed, but also afraid that it will "go away", so several times throughout the day,when I'm sitting and watching TV or things like that, I'll be "practicing" They do get tired pretty quickly, but I guess that makes sense...they've been useless for a long time, so they're pretty weak now, but I try to use them a little more often than I was before.
Many, many times over the years, I've had dreams that I was suddenly, miraculously, and completely "cured", but even after regaining everything physical that my stroke took from me, I couldn't remember how to do anything. I think about that a lot. For example.. Three of my kids have learned to tie their shoes without me being able to help them. In my mind, I try to go through the motions of tying shoelaces, but if I suddenly got back full use of my fingers, I'm not 100% convinced that I would remember how to do things like tie shoes or put my hair in a ponytail..... I know how silly that sounds, but I think I've forgotten some things after not being able to do them for so long (I've learned how to do almost everything with my one good hand, but those are two of the things that have continued to kick my butt.
I've had a couple of people ask me what my "secret" is for making my fingers move after such a long time. I have no secret...if I did, I'd have gotten the use of my hand back years ago. I didn't do this. God did. He is in control, and I know that any further improvements and victories will be given to me in His time, and if I don't get any better, it's because that is His plan for me.
The night when my fingers moved, I was so excited, I grabbed my black berry and posted it on Facebook.haha I felt so blessed as the comments of support and friendship kept rolling in for the next 24 hours. I have the BEST friends and family who I know I can count on to celebrate even the smallest of milestones with me.
Thanks for reading...be blessed!!
~Sam
